What is my purpose?

I feel as if I have no purpose here. I don't do much. I sit around my room, think, and not do anything. I'm failing school, I suck at playing my instrument, I only have one friend (that's online), and I am just lazy. I procrastinate, I don't do things well, and I'm always scared. I'm always too damn scared to ask for anything for my projects and stuff.

I have had some problems lately. Mental issues which developed into physical issues. I've been stressed. Depressed, angry, suicidal, and lonely. I don't mind lonely, depression just makes me sleep, anger gets me in trouble, and suicidal is not fun. I have been talking to my counselor. It helped at the beginning, but now nothing. I want to be homeschooled. My dad won't let me. You see, my parents don't give a fuck about me. I could tell them something is wrong and I need whatever and they will say "No. You're fine. Go clean your room" AND THEN, When I bring in an F from school because of my negative attitude lately they will say "HEY, WHY THE HELL IS THIS AN F?" And I'm like "UH, I BELIEVE I TOLD YOU THAT I CAN'T WORK IN THAT DAMNED BUILDING" and then they are like "NO EXCUSES GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM"

>_>. Great parenting. My mom praises my brother. She loves him. She never says a word about me. Other than the fact that I'm getting older, and getting fatter. My mom's friends talk about how great their kids are, and what activities they are doing. My mom says "Oh! Zy (my brother) is at a new school and made friends!" And her friends sometimes ask "What about Noriko?" And I kid you not I heard her say this once:

"She's having problems. I think she may be insane, but don't say anything. She is a hikikomori and an otaku and she won't get anywhere in life. I mean, she doesn't do anything!"

Then she went on to rant about how I'm a loser. Thanks, mom. I love you too.

Also, I have been getting some things told to me that I don't like. I'm too young to understand? Really? You really think that?

My parents divorced when I was 4. I have never seen them happy together. My dad was forced to Cuba and stuff for the Navy. I lived with my mom, who was depressed so she slept all day. So, at age 7 I was already cooking and cleaning and taking care of my brother. At age 10 I moved in with my dad. He introduced me to the internet. I was in love.

The internet was automatically amazing to me. I got on and all the sites I could go to were great. Now, the stuff that I've seen on the internet made me understand a lot of things. I've seen dead people, people getting killed, sex, rape, threats, death threats, chain mail, idiots, etc. So, my dad even once told me a couple years ago (At the time I was 13) he said:

"Even though you're 13, she (his girlfriend) doesn't understand that you're more mature for your age. You may be 13 age wise but mentally you are probably 17."

I automatically shot back at him that I was still pretty immature. Getting angry at stupid things, etc. He tells me that I have mental issues. Hah.

So THEEEEEN, later in life, I find out about my "mental issues". Social anxiety disorder, something that makes me not be able to put thoughts into words or something. It limits my learning. And then there was more but I'm not trying to think right now. My head hurts.

And then a few months ago I got all depressed. Yaaaaaaaay.

Anxiety attacks, constant shaking and weakening, I don't talk that often anymore so now when I do talk a lot I start to lose my voice so quick. My head is always hurting, I'm always tired, but I can't sleep. Oh no no no. I can't sleep. I've been unmotivated. I've felt like nothing. I don't even feel like typing all of this.

I'll type the rest later.

I need to finish this project.

Which I probably won't do. I'll probably do lay down and think or maybe even just stare at stuff.

It's a hobby, you know?